Your child’s education will benefit if sexual matters are discussed with them at the right age and consistently. Providing children with the right information at a young age builds trust, communication and equips them with valuable knowledge. In this post, we explain the basic steps to addressing sex education at age-appropriate levels and encouraging open and honest discussions.
Why Is Sex Education Important To Everyone?
Sex education greatly affects a child’s anatomy, emotions, and social life. It helps define the relationship your child will have with people, including making sound choices to avoid risks. Research indicates that comprehensive sex education reduces risks of sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancies.
The earlier, consistent sexual education children receive, the more likely they are to postpone sexual activity, exercise protective measures, and make smarter choices throughout their relationships. This, as noted by the research from the American Academy of Pediatrics, could improve their life and emotional health profoundly.
Want to know how you can have these important chats with your child? Let us take it step by step.
1. Start Early: It’s Never Too Soon
There’s a myth that education on sexual health starts with ‘the talk’ and waits until the teen years. This is a myth! Experts argue that discussions can and should start long before the teen years. For younger children, the focus is on respectful names of body parts, basic consent, and privacy.
For example, children as young as three years old can start learning about private parts, as noted by the Guttmacher Institute. At this age, you can use the correct names for body parts and describe their roles in life gently. This is to help your child feel free to ask questions when they are ready.
2. Make It A Talk, Not A Lecture
As your child ages, try to turn the delivery of information into communication. Foster environments that help them feel free to inquire. Make sure to emphasize that there are no “wrong” questions, and they can feel free to talk to you about anything.
Children who feel that they can talk about relationships, consent, and sex with their parents are likely to hold healthy attitudes and practices as teenagers. This and other similar findings came from a study by UNICEF. Forming dialogue provides a space where they are allowed to express their opinions and questions as they try to comprehend sex and relationships.
Tip: When your child asks questions regarding sex and relationships, instead of immediately launching into a full-blown explanation, inquire what they are already curious about. That would help in understanding what level of understanding they are at and clear any misunderstandings.
3. Be Truthful, but Tailor to the Age Group
Use a child’s biological age and psychological development to know how much detail to offer. For instance:
Preschool (3-5 years): Learning about the body and privacy. Teach them about the basic body anatomy, and the fact that they have the right to say no to being touched unwantedly.
Elementary (6-10 years): Address the changes that occur to the body during puberty, along with basic emotions and the need for consent. Relationships, respect, and appropriate ways to communicate begin to emerge during this age, so you may start talking about them.
Tweens (11-13 years): Explain the changes that occur during puberty, along with reproduction and the idea of loving someone. It is important to talk about respect, consent, and healthy distance in the relationship during this stage.
Teenagers (14+ years): Discuss the anatomy of sexual health, contraception, intimacy, and relationship management. Examine peer pressure, the depiction of sex in the media, and decision-making in terms of safe and healthy intimacy.
A famous story told by one of the best sex educators in the United States, Dr. Laura Berman, is how one parent tried to narrate the story of puberty to her 12-year-old daughter. Instead of a lecture, she used a book with illustrations and went through it page by page. This way, the daughter was able to freely discuss her body changes.
4. Make the Most of the Available Resources: Books, Websites, and Videos
Books, websites, and videos about sex education are helpful in preparing both you and your child for conversations that tackle more sensitive topics. An engaging and clear, age-appropriate explanation of complex topics like changes in the human body, sexual health, and personal relationships.
For the younger age group, “It’s Not the Stork!” by Robie H. Harris and “The Family Book” by Todd Parr are great introducing texts. “The Care and Keeping of You” by Valorie Schaefer for older children and teenagers continues the tradition of age-appropriate literature and goes into detail about puberty and the associated emotional changes.
These resources are helpful in guiding the discussion, and they are less daunting in comparison to having direct conversations.
5. Teach about Consent Early and Often
An integral part of sex education is informing your child about consent, one of the most import matters to cover. You need to explain that consent is one of the most crucial ideas in identifying and building a positive relationship and a safe sexual encounter.
It is one of the guidelines from the American Psychological Association (APA) that children are taught how to give and accept consent from other people. Teaching your child that it is acceptable to say no and that others must respect boundaries is crucial to their mental health.
Consider, for example, that in the context of teaching consent, you can explain to them that no one should be able to touch them against their will, and they must also ask for permission before touching other people. These teachings can also be applied to friendships and later into romantic and sexual relationships, where they are taught respect and effective communication.
6. Look Out for Media and Social Influence
Through adolescence, children are likely to be introduced to the concept of sex from social media, their friends, and other social contacts, who can be their age mates. Social media and age mates can introduce obscure and confusing ideas. Sexual content in the media can warp the expectation of relationships and intimacy, the National Institute of Health (NIH) explains this best.
As your child is exposed to these influences, it is a good time to highlight the great principles you’ve been trying to mold in them. Check to see what the child has heard or seen and gauge if it matches the good and healthy principles you have been instilling in them. Also, be ready to address the relationships and intimacy in media, especially how it portrays scenarios likely to pressure individuals into sexual interactions before they are emotionally ready.
Normalize Ongoing Conversations
The conversation on sex education should not only be a one-time talk. It should be a talk that is ever-present and is adjusted depending on the child’s age. Children should always be able to ask questions and should be able to have a safe atmosphere to share their thoughts and concerns.
Using the right approach should be the family’s priority. Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a family doctor, suggested that parents should strive to make the talk part of everyday conversations. Relevant discussions should happen during TV time, music listening time, or even while talking about the news.
Conclusion
Having sex education talks with your child may seem hard, but it is one of the most critical discussions you can engage in. If you start early, have ongoing discussions, and teach the appropriate information for their age, you will help them learn how to manage relationships, set boundaries, and understand their sexual health. Make the conversation ongoing and use the many available resources to help them understand consent to ensure they feel empowered. Your child will be able to make healthy and responsible decisions for their future with your support.
Take note, the goal is not to give them the answers all at once. Instead, it is to allow them to develop trust with you, paving the way for healthy relationships with their bodies and with other people. They will be able to deal with the challenges of growing up in today’s world with your support.
